Ch...Ch...Ch...Ch...Changes...

Change is one of those four letter words for me...I'm not too fond of it but I also know that it has to happen. And so, it shall. For me that began majorly  before my 30th birthday. 

That pretty smiling woman, is me...K.L.A....

I know, looks like I have my fancy pink drink and not my sparkly dress and not a care in the world. Well, I'm pretty good at putting my best "Face" forward. I wouldn't want you to see the crack underneath it all. It's something I learned to do a long time ago, probably around age 7. I had to, I couldn't cope otherwise. 

Fast forward to age 29. Still wearing the mask of total happiness, it appears that I have it pretty much together. A nice place, a nice car, an amazing boyfriend, job promotions, good grades... But much as the case usually is, looks can be deceiving. My cracks were starting to show, I could no longer hide the anger that was growing beneath my happy face. I was not the happy-go-lucky person I pretended to be. I began to gain weight, getting up to 205 lbs. I was (still am sometimes when stressed) picking at my skin none stop, creating these horrible looking sores, even on my face. 

Having hit my rock bottom, and being an introverted personality, I went further into my shell. It's the only safe place I knew. I wasn't talking about these issues to anyone, not even my boyfriend, who (unlike most guys) actually wanted to know how I felt. It was driving a big wedge between us. And I couldn't bare that. He had mentioned talking to a councilor, even one at school. I didn't want to, I didn't like the idea that some stranger would be hearing all my deep dark secrets and judging me on them. But, I went. And it led me to finding the best therapist in the world (well, at least in my world!) She is just like talking to a friend, and we talk about everything...and I do mean EVERYTHING! By starting to get these feelings out, I am now working out, eating better (Down 23.3 lbs.!), I am working on  communicating more with the BF. I am recognizing unhealthy habits and relationships, and making changes for the better. I am even getting closer to God in finding the true me within. I was afraid of change. Truth be told, I was afraid of everything! But I am saying goodbye to fears and hello to life. It's a journey...and the road isn't always an easy one to travel...but I'm learning to really enjoying the ride....AS THE REAL ME!